Mama said there'd be days like this...

I wrote this post on Saturday, May 5th, but published it today.

Warning: This post is going to be vulnerable, so don't read it if you're not into that. Also, it's long, and there aren't any pictures.  :)

My emotion for today: frustration.  When I ask my daughter to brush her hair, and she throws a fit, I'm frustrated.  When we go to the grocery store, and she asks for everything she sees at the store (7.2 million times) and I've already told her "no," I'm frustrated.  When we go WAAAYYY over our grocery budget, I'm frustrated.  When my daughter loudly says, "Mom, this checkout guy is SLOW!" and I ask her not to say that, and she continues, I'm embarrassed, and frustrated. 

When we get home, and she puts the toilet paper away, and in the process dumps out the entire box of q-tips all over the bathroom and then she pours half the bottle of jelly on her PB&J, I'm frustrated. 

When my to-do list is too long, and our house is a wreck, even after I've cleaned, I'm frustrated.  When I'm tripping over things in our too-small apartment, I'm frustrated.  When I can't take a nap because of said to-do list, and even though I'm in my 2nd trimester, and it's supposed to come back, my energy level still hasn't reached 100%, I'm frustrated. 

When I haven't seen my hubby all week, because he's been working at the Library to finish up projects, and papers, and study for finals, I'm tired of being a single mom, and I'm frustrated.

When I start to think about the million things we need to do before this baby comes in November, and how they need to get done this summer before school starts again, and I'm in my 3rd trimester, and teaching a new grade- I'm frustrated, and I question God.  Does He really think that we can handle the transition of a 7 year old with special needs, and a new baby in 11 months? And didn't He know that I needed to lose about 50... err... 100 pounds before I got pregnant? 

Then.... I get frustrated with myself.  Isn't this everything I've prayed for?  Didn't I pray for a husband who loves the Lord, loves his family and works hard?  Haven't we prayed for years that God would fill our home with children?  Aren't His blessings overflowing in our lives right now?  So I feel guilty for being frustrated, and I get frustrated with myself. 

I didn't eat very healthy today (I didn't even cook), and I didn't exercise- not so good for baby, and I didn't have a quiet time: frustration and guilt. 

I'm concerned about my husband who has been working too hard, and sleeping too little for the past 4 years, and I feel frustrated.  (Will finals PLEASE be over soon!)

It's just been one of those days, and I've been praying all day that God would give me a better attitude and help me see my blessings...

and then...

My mom sends me a picture in the mail that she took of K when they last visited.  And K is smiling- really, genuinely smiling- and it's one of the 1st pictures I have of her where she's really smiling... and of course, it makes this momma burst into tears.

I take my daughter to Hobby Lobby, and she does not ask for 1 THING! (and they have toys and candy in that store!)

My husband's work goes quickly today, and he's able to take a short break to join us for dinner (if we meet him at a restaurant close to the school), and when he gets home late after hours, and hours, and hours, of studying- sees that I've had a tough day, and immediately leaves to get me my favorite ice cream.

I remember that tomorrow is Sunday... a day we've set aside to worship our God, and to spend together as a family (aka- no school work!) And tomorrow we are jam-packed with church, pictures, and Kristen's dedication at our PM service.  I won't have to be a single mom tomorrow!

 And I realize that I am blessed beyond measure.  Some days are tough because we live in a fallen world, but God's mercies are new every morning.  And He is NOT finished with me, or my husband, or my daughter yet! 

 The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.- Lamentations 3:22-23

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.-Philippians 1:6